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Continuing onto part two…

Its crazy living one day after another wondering/ stressing about who will have lived their last day in my family. I find myself often asking GOD, What is my purpose here? How do I get through each day making the right decisions for all involved? Why did I have to marry a alcoholic? Why does this family get hit so hard with Vodka?

Bryan was always such a hard worker. He had a huge heart. The first night we met, (had our first date), he brought my mom flowers. Did the 500 questions my dad had for him and also showed proof of identification after receiving the 3rd degree from my parents. I loved him from day one. He always made me feel so special. I am not a very materialistic person. There wasn’t much I wanted that I didn’t get. I dont do well keep flowers alive. Bryan would always get me fake roses, make a bouquet with a Slim Jim in the middle.

We lived around 30-60 minutes away from each other. I thought from day one, this is the one for me! At the time I worked in a group home taking care of residents with down syndrome, and other similar disorders. I also on the side worked taking care of elderly people, and spent many years working at Rally’s. I really care about people and always felt like I was meant to be a caregiver. I wanted so bad from the time I was a little girl, to be a mom and have a family of my own. No matter what time of day or night it was, if I wasn’t working, Bryan and I was either on the phone for hours at a time, or we were together. I loved life. I was 300-400 lbs, very active, and a happy go lucky girl. Wasn’t searching for the “one”. It just happened.

We were young and whenever could spend time together, we did. We spent a lot of time with our families, enjoying life together and had a hangout. Friday nights were our night to go to Alice’s Bar. Alice’s was just a little hole in the wall bar. They made the best chicken wings and fries. Became my favorite place after hanging out and enjoying a few drinks, while playing the coin slot machines with card games. We carried on with this every Friday night for a few years. Bryan proposed to me on Christmas Eve really late at his aunt and Uncles house. We were all drinking so I wondered throughout the night, was it real? or was Bryan just asking because of amount he had to drink.

We were married, and like a lot of other woman, I was now waiting for the right time to want my family I dreamed of when I was a child. No matter what the situation was, it just never seemed like was gonna be okay financially for us to make it. We had both worked full time jobs, always did odd jobs on the side trying to make ends meet. When trying to figure out how to budget so we weren’t struggling so much, I figured out the two places money had to be cut down. The most money spent was on beer (Bud light), and cigarettes, (Newport). This shouldn’t be to hard. We just have to find cheaper thrills and can do this by changing brands. Cigarettes was easy. As long as menthol, we always found a cheaper alternative. I thought beer would be the same. Bryan started drinking Busch that was cheaper for more, 30 pack vs 24 of Bud light. This no drinking thing was easy for me. Unfortunately, wasn’t same with Bryan. If we could not afford the case of beer every 3-4 days, he would find way to cover a few 40 oz bottles to get through each night.

My dream came true…. I got pregnant. I was at a doctor apt finding out I have some thyroid issues. No big deal. Levels elevated but nothing med cant fix. I was at the Dr trying to find out why I didn’t get pregnant. We never used protection.  I had surgery when I was younger for erupted appendix. There was complications that kept me in hospital for like the first month of my 7th grade year. I was told then I may not be able to conceive when I got older. I was back to Dr to find out results of hormone levels and all that stuff to check for anything besides surgery, and thyroid disorder that could cause me to not be able to have a baby. I found out at the appointment I was in fact pregnant. I was so excited. I dreamed beforehand I had a baby boy. Always planned to have a son, then couple years later follow with a daughter. This would satisfy my purpose in life and meant the world to me.

Fast forward, 2016 I have my son Collyn 6/11/2003, and daughter Daisie 5/3/06. We are so close. I have my completed family. Throughout the years, Bryan had continued drinking his beer. He worked a lot, did so much for others, always made sure we were ok. The only issue was every single night, going to bed with my other half, completely wasted. To me this was so normal, I usually did not complain unless we were once again low on money. I never cared if we were rich or had all the fine things in life. Just happy to make it from one week to the next without red bills, or eviction notice! Bryan and I hardly ever argued or anything unless was over alcohol. I felt there was a problem where he could no longer go without, and when I shared concerns with him, his words “I have no problem at all drinking beer!” I now realize how much this “problem”, has changed our marriage, family, and the changes over the years in myself. I no longer was happy. I wanted to be home all the time. I went from being around people 24/7, and loving life to being a hermit, that wanted nothing to do with the social world. Through many attempts to quit drinking, things went back to normal after a week or so.

Beginning of 2016, Bryan went to detox. Was there overnight, no communication, while doing one meeting after another, in order to help him learn ways to live without the crave for alcohol. This lasted until insurance felt like should be “cured” and continue outpatient with meetings, stay sober and a day program to help. This alcohol has really changed our lives. However, for the first time since married, I thought maybe this was it. This was his answer to live alcohol free and a happy sober life. That alone was a huge challenge for me. I had to meet my husband all over again. Hoping can fall back in love, Hoping will help him health wise, alcohol would no longer be a strain on us, and hoping our marriage would be okay with a stranger walking in. I didn’t know sober Bryan. What if he dont like me anymore? What if I am not good enough, pretty, skinny…. Everything anyone could imagine going through my head, went there.

It was weird. I remember thinking through some hard times, wow he really stepped up for US. He really loves me and the kids and chose us over the beer. The kids were also in heaven. Even if daddy was crabby and yelling about anything, it was okay because he didn’t have any beer. Things got hard financially again. I remember one night, him saying, “I quit drinking so would not have these problems and still do, what was the point?” I remember feeling defeated at this point, but still hung in there with high hopes. Things started changing a lot. His moods went from one extent to another real fast. I realized I could not do this anymore. I am not gonna watch him and my kids all suffer, all while thinking Bryan is sober. He was still attending meetings, along with the day program. He received his chips for month sobriety, Bryan was so happy at this point. I went with him to meeting in which he received chip. There was a lot of useful sources, for people to use. meetings were full. I loved this feeling. We may be broke, losing one thing at a time. However I am married to a sober man!

Ha-ha. Devil played another joke on me! Bryan caved in. Not only to beer, but way worse. Bryan learned at the meetings, drinking vodka, is very easy to cover… I dont care what pro says it, There is a smell to vodka. All alcohol becomes extinguishable from the pores of the body. I know addiction is a disease, I know is alcohol is just like any other source feeding addiction. I know he cant reprogram his brain. I know the pain he suffers overrides the happiness of accomplishment… Why is it legal? I am so tired of this government saying heroine is top killer, they’re gonna crack down on users, lock them up. If they could tax it, make money off it, I 100% believe heroine would be legal. Hardly ever hear of VODKA being a killer. Take life saving meds away from patients, legalize pot to treat pain since found way to tax it…. Not even a whisper out here about self medicating with Vodka. Not gonna lie. The pain I feel every single day, from autoimmune disorders I have no control of, there’s not even a cure… No hope for less pain, yet 1 by 1, losing the medications that help me daily just get through… Yet others can down a pint, be pain free, legal, cheap, easy to sneak, and will take away all problems (for the day in their heads anyways)… Sounds tempting! Thankfully I have my kids to keep me from giving in to that temptation.

One day they will know, that they were chosen over everything by their mom. The thing that hurts the worse with Bryan, when all is said and done, it feels like the love he has for me and our kids, isn’t stronger than the feeling a pint can give for a few hours. I dont blame him now however. I dont think that he will survive his body going through withdrawals again. Everyone ask me how do I get through each day, in pain, doing everything I can to make other lives easiest as can. All I can think is I cant give up. I cant let my body rest. I cant “check-out”! The kids need me. Oma,  Bryans mom, does all possible to help. We’ve jumped so many hurdles together. My mom and dad do all they can. I hate asking for help. Saving that until my body shuts down more uncontrollably. Until then, the kids, Oma, my mom and dad, and I are a team. We, (Collyn, Daisie, and I), would be under a bridge by now without the support of the gees (grandparents) give!

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Will this ever be over? Part 1

All summed up, the reason I started this blog was to find things I have in common with others. I married the man I thought to be my dreams in 2002. He has always been in a social drinker in our younger years.he treated me great. We never had money but we “got by”. The last few years have a been a nightmare. I have 2 amazing kids, I will always be there for them. I feel awful for the life they have been driven through, and the different feelings they have had that I can’t make easier on them. It affects our everyday life.

In detox 2016, husband went to detox. I previously left him. He agreed if I came back he would go into a recovery place for a while. While he was there, my kids and I paid all consequences and did what we had to do in order to get our family through. Making me matters worse, in detox, I found out whole time I left him, he was living it up. Partying, drinking, totally trashed his back doing things he wouldn’t have done sober. I spent time trying not to lose all the things we had built up.

He came home from detox. It was weird. I don’t know if I was naive wanting to believe the help he got was the answer to all our problems. I didn’t want to walk on tip toes anymore, thinking my kids and I was gonna be let down. Once out of detox, he and I decided to get his life together, his license straight, and on the right road to sobriety. I went to meetings with him when I was able. I remember thinking is this gonna bring my family back to where we need to be. I had friends helping him find work.

I think when things got hard again, he gave up. He no longer drank beer. He was now on straight cheap vodka to take edge off anxiety. This destroyed everything I ever wanted to put into saving our marriage. I promised my kids I would stay stay by his side as long as he kept up with treatment…

time went on, he was having trouble breathing one night. I talked him into hospital one night, assuring him it was best thing to do. I took him in I think aug 29th 2016. They were doing all kinds of test on him. Blood full panel, catscan, mri, neurological test, along with many more. I left hospital at 5 am. He was givin Ativan and other stuff to be able to rest why I left, showered, got kids up and ready for school. After all that I get back to hospital to find out, bryan’s health declined badly. They did my have equipment to help at this little hospital so decided transferring to main hospital in area was in best interest, so started transfer. He was. Ow tied down to bed and on stronger meds to settle down.

I followed this ambulance over, just to find out, they were once again transferring him over to Beaumont royal oak. His body is shutting down, organs are not working, and they had to get to end of this with what they decided would be best treatment. He was in between hospitals and ended up in a coma. He has severe pancreatitis, kidneys completely shut down, infection levels through the roof, non respondent. My kids were scared and so was I. Bryan was in this coma for a month. Drs kept saying he had 50/50 chance. Alcohol has destroyed him.

Poor Collyn and Daisie, Collyn wouldn’t even see him at this point. He didn’t want to see dad in that condition and if was to have his miracle, he wanted to remember the good out of his prayer and miracle he believed in that daddy could be fixed. I was exhausted and dealing with my own demons fighting hashimotos, 2 goiters, fibro, anxiety, depression, among others. I had to fight I couldn’t leave my kids like this…. to be continued

Angie

I really really really cant wait for the real “Spring” to come…

I am from Michigan. You never have any idea what the weather will be like from one day to the next. Last week we had a couple days that were 70+. Today most of the schools in the area are closed, because of power being out everywhere from icy build up on the electric wires and transmitters.

The weather here has a mind of its own. I don’t want to go anywhere or do anything. It is the weather where you want to just curl up on the couch and watch Netflix! Don’t that sound tempting? One of these days, hopefully by the time I am able to go visit kids at their houses.

Where are you all from? Anyone want to some pics on the beach or even bbq out in the beautiful outdoors. Talk to me…. would love to know more about some of the followers out there!

——ANGIE–BORED IN MICHIGAN—-

Love this inspirational:)

Inspirations for the day! Hope you all have a good one!! Check our Etsy! Made some necklaces and bracelets that would be great to give as a Mother’s Day gift, and offering 15% off. Any suggestions on how to better my Etsy page, please feel free to comment below! Constructive Criticism always appreciated. Handmade Jewelry […]

via Like this and NEED to follow — Angie’s Daily Ordinary MomBlog

More information on how to use Swagbucks

FREE EASY WAY TO MAKE MONEY!!!

Hi everyone! What a week it has been.I have been  in bed all day on a Saturday. With Hashimotos Autoimmune Disorder and Fibromyalgia flare ups going on, this week has been super busy with overwhelming important days. I had a lot to think about and had to be on the top of the game everyday. Will explain all that in future post. I had posted at the beginning of the week about apps and sites I use to make money doing everyday things. I had a lot of questions involving the Swagbucks app. I decided to try and explain ways to make the bucks add up fast and add gift cards and/or paypal cash to your pockets quickly!

Using the link, http://www.swagbucks.com/refer/Angebry4, create a new account! ♥♥

Once you have created a account, Swagbucks will now ask you profile questions about your everyday life. It will need basic personal information, (name, address, age, location…). These are not questions so they can hack into your life. They are to set demographics, hobbies and info that will more personalize your swagbuck page.

They have lots of ways to make money and it adds up fast. You also get swagbucks for adding info to personalize offers for you with shopping, surveys, and daily task. There are daily goals to meet, which will give you bonus SB when you meet a first and second goal.

After all that is complete, watch the number at the top right corner of screen as it adds up. 100 swagbucks is $1.00 to get gift cards or cash. The more you add up, the higher the value. There is even card values where you can receive like a $25 Walmart card, for 2200 SB. That’s a $3 savings.

On Swagbucks home screen, left side, scroll down some. There is a daily to do list. There is a list of 8 task daily for you to do. Completing all of them not only gives you the points to add up your daily goal, but you will receive a bonus for finishing 6 out of 8  of the task daily. THEY ARE SUPER SIMPLE, FUN, AND CAN BE WIPED OUT IN LESS THAN A HOUR!

If you are a online shopper, and shop through swagbucks, you can get up to 20 SB per dollar spent. You even get SB, when redeeming to get gift cards. A couple times a month, they run a SWAGO game. It runs for a few days, and after activating your board, doing the task in each square, gives you winning patterns in order to win easy extra bucks. Starting Monday, they have search bucks collector bills. Randomly searching the swag app search bar, you win collector bills. Collect all of them for theme, and receive 50 extra bucks.

I hope these tips and tricks have helped and everyone enjoys the app. I am on year 2 maybe and have accumulated over  $500 in cash and gift cards. There are so many benefits to using this app, for watching short video clips, ads, discovering new content, getting freebies, taking surveys, and answering daily polls.

Let me know in the comments what you all think. Maybe if you have any more pointers to give to help others, feel free to add them.

http://www.swagbucks.com/refer/Angebry4